How to Interview a Potential Therapist to See if They are Sex-Positive etc.

Therapists are prohibited from discussing clients with you, because obvious.  That doesn’t mean they can’t talk about situations with you -  or how they would approach different topics.

These questions are open-ended and structured in such a way that the person answering them must share their thought-process / how they problem-solve / etc. in order to fully answer them.

You are interviewing a therapist. You deserve to know where their biases lie. I personally will not engage a therapist who is unwilling to discuss these topics with me prior to me becoming a client. You may choose a different boundary – whatever works for you is what’s best.

Here are 5 Questions to get you started….  You will likely come up with some of your own, based on your needs.


A concerned mother brings her LGBT child to you for therapy.  Mom thinks that the kid needs to undergo conversion therapy.  What would you say to that mother?

Full Stop if the therapist is in favor of conversion therapy

Notice how they talk about speaking with the parent….  It can show how they view that power structure within a family


A client shows up with bruises on their wrists and forearms.  Concerned about their safety, you ask how they got the bruises. The client says they are into BDSM and the bruises were consensual.  Where do you go from there?

Full Stop if the therapist says something like ‘BDSM is abuse’

Listen for how the therapist would investigate the truthfulness of the client’s answer.


A client who is married has been cheating on their spouse. The client announces, ‘it’s ok, because I’m poly’.  How would you respond in that moment?

This is a place where you can see how your ethics align with the therapist, AND what their perspective on polyamory is


You have a client who is an exotic dancer. She is in tears during a session with you, as she recalls being sexually assaulted by one of her clients (he tried to put his fingers into her vagina and anus and also tried to French kiss her). What might you say in response?

Anything close to ‘she asked for it’ and you know you have a dud

Listen for compassion and empathy towards the client’s suffering

Listen for understanding that this client has as much right to her body as you have to yours


How do you define Sex Positivity?

Not so much behavioral, and if the answer is only 'a positive attitude about sex', you might need to educate.



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