The Biology of Breath

Breath is an essential part of our biology. When we breathe, we take in oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Oxygen is necessary for cellular respiration, the process by which our cells produce energy. Carbon dioxide is a waste product that our body needs to eliminate to maintain a healthy pH balance. Our breath is regulated by the autonomic nervous system, which controls our body’s unconscious functions, including breathing, heart rate, and digestion.

Consciously working with breath has a great many benefits including: balancing heartrate, lowering stress, managing pain responses, supporting the Voice, lowering blood pressure, and more. As it relates to intimacy, breath is a powerful access point for connection.

Breathing Exercises for Intimacy

I’m sharing two breaths you can do on your own and two you can practice with someone else. Intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean erotic. These are ways of regulating and coregulating nervous systems (as much as I do not like the concept of regulation as it pertains to bodies)….

Basic Breath for One

This is literally breathing in and out – noticing that you are breathing. I am personally a fan of using this pattern for the basic breath: In through the Nose / Out of the Mouth. This is because the exhale will assist in relaxing (that HAAAA sound). It’s like a sigh.

Three-Part Breath for One

Start by sitting or lying down in a comfortable position.
Take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your belly with air comfortably.
Hold your breath for a moment,
Ehale slowly through your nose, emptying your lungs comfortably.

Repeat this process for several breaths, paying attention to the sensation of the breath moving through your body. You can place your hands on your belly and chest to feel the expansion and contraction. All of this is to be comfortable – there’s nothing to chase or force.

Breath Sync for Two

Sit facing your partner, and take a few deep breaths in through the nose (like you’re smelling a flower) and out of the mouth (like you’re blowing on a candle)
Keep your breath comfortable.
As you are breathing, find yourselves breathing in and out at the same time - and it may take a bit for this to happen. I LOVE how many laughs show up while finding the synchronization.
If it’s awkward or seems unattainable without a leader, you can select one of you to set the pace so the other can breathe along.
As you breathe together, notice any subtle shifts in your body and emotions.

This exercise can help build a sense of connection and attunement with your partner. It can also bring up ‘stuff’. If you begin to notice you feel anxious angry, or otherwise activated in an uncomfortable way, that could be a signal that you’re complete for this exercise for now.

Circular Breathing for Two

This is something you might play with once you get the synch going with your breaths.
Begin with the Breath Synch
As you are breathing, one person will shift their pattern, so they are breathing in while the other is breathing out
You inhale while your parter exhales, you exhale, while your partner inhales, etc. This can be done at a comfortable distance, and play with it.

As I hope these examples show, breath can be a tool for building intimacy and connection in our relationships. By governing our breath, we can reduce stress and activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and rest. The three breathing exercises described above can be done alone or with a partner and can help cultivate intimacy and connection.

If you’d like to learn more about breath as a tool for intimacy as well as pain management and healing, let’s talk.

How to Have Better Sex: The Power of Breath for Building Intimacy